I received a letter about 6 months ago that brought to my attention a possibility that never occurred to me for a second as something that may be true. The letter made compliments to my autobiography Chef’s Tales, they wrote to tell me how they had enjoyed the book and lamented on how it had made an impact on their life giving them the courage to pursue their dreams.
I was feeling rather happy with myself and felt extremely proud that I had managed to make an impact on a persons feelings enough for them to chase their dreams. Then, right at the end of the lovely note, the author of the letter made a statement followed by a simple question, “I think you were very brave to just simply pack up and leave home whilst you were just 18 and travel the world on your own, congratulations to you, however I have one question if I may please. Children living in a normal, loving and caring family would be broken hearted to leave their home and family as you did, how did you cope with this loss at such an early age?”
Over the years many people have asked me how I was so brave, but until it was brought to my attention, I never reflected for a second why I felt the urge to leave so early in the first place. The standard answer was that I loved travelling, therefore the romance and glamour of being a globe trotter took the better of me and off I went strolling towards a beautiful setting sunset never to be seen again for many years to come.
A lot of soul searching pursued and I have come to the following conclusion, somehow I must have been unhappy about something or felt a void that needed to be filled. I really believe that I had a lovely child hood; however my father was a very conservative man who constantly told me that whilst I was living in his house, I had to do as I was told until I was 18 years of age. The constant feeling of being controlled and told not to leave the house over the years, especially when I was young may have affected me subconsciously. He went on to teach me that on reaching 18 years of age, I was then old enough to make my own decisions and so I did, not only leaving the house, not only the country but leaving the continent too!
A few days ago I was telling a girl friend of mine about how I whisper every night in my two daughters ears that I love them before they go to sleep. She told me that daughters were very lucky and wished her father had done so with her. She then mentioned that she had made up for the lack of love from her father by finding other men to love her instead.
She went on to tell me that when she was young, going to school was very unpleasant, as her friends were being hugged at the gate she would already be half way to her class and her father half way down the road in the car before other parents would be willing to break the bear hug on their children. The last heart wrenching sentence to me was that watching her friends enjoying the attention from affectionate and loving parents whilst she was unable to purchase a hug if she had the money to do so would always tear her heart out.
My conclusion to this lesson in life is that as a daddy, I should continue to hug my daughters every day and tell them I love them, for without this, I fear they may rush all too quickly and find another “daddy” to fill this void and whom may not have the same intentions as I do.
When we are young we carry our childhood baggage with us sort of dictating all the choices we make. For me everything changed when my first daughter was born. No longer did I feel I “needed” my parent’s approval or love from anyone else anymore. I became responsible instead of being somebody’s responsibility. I think If we end up being loving parents to our children, our parents at least somehow taught us that much and that’s all we could ever ask for.
You are a wonderful father and your girls know this. You whispering your love to their ears is just one more way you show it. =) P.S. I just love your parenting posts!
Dear Lorena,
I would like to offer my sincere thanks for your open hearted comments shared here so that others may learn from them.
I think we we all have feelings that we keep personal (myself included) that would probably be better shared with others. I hope that by sharing love with my girls, they can also share love in their life as they grow up and with their children later in life.
My mother used to always tell me that “everyone needs a hug” and I try to teach my girls that they need one too, so that they in turn can learn the very basic fundamental need everyone has for affection.
I thank you for your kind words concerning me being a good father, I hope I am a good father, but I do understand that I have lots to learn about life, children and compassion before I am satisfied.
I have been reading your tweets and consulting your blog and I have to say that you appear to me to be a very happy person who has nothing but love for your two girls and your hubby.
I think that life will give us much more if we approach it a happy & positive soul which is mirrored by you.
Congratulations to you for being a great mother and a lovely spouse.
Thanks for dropping by and I look forward to hearing from you again soon.
Warm regards,
Mike.
This is a wonderful post. My apologies for finding it so late! I think we all grow up with a bit of baggage as, well, life just isn’t perfect for every moment. I think even the well-adjusted people have a little bit that creeps up from time to time, but I believe it is how you handle you life NOW is what matters.
I grew up with a very stand-offish mom who was more worried about the laundry and a perfectly clean house than the comfort of my brother and I. But one of the things I learned from that was how to be independent; to make my own choices and follow through for my own personal result. It also opened my eyes as an adult of how I want to be with my husband and our own children so that they feel secure and well loved.
I look at my husband and children daily and think that I am doing pretty good since everyone is happy. I’m not one to ask for more.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Your family is incredibly lucky to have you looking out for them.
Hi Bridgett,
Thank you very much for your kind words, I think that your family is incredibly lucky also to have such a loving mother and wife.
I agree with you that our parents were not of the generation that shared their thoughts of love, friendship or even their feelings in general.
We on the other hand have been exposed by books and the Internet to be the complete opposite style of parents showing compassion, love and we are taught how to be incredibly caring to our family members.
Times change and with it hopefully all our family values improve as education increases our thought process.
Rest assured that many parents who share the same generation as yours were no different, mine were exactly the same.
Just the fact that you have pointed out you have not followed in your parents footsteps with your own children shows me that you are a great person.
Thanks for your wonderful involvement and comments towards this debate and I hope that you drop in again soon.
Warm regards,
Mike.
Awww, this so good to read and think you should publish it wider. I just spend a week helping a family with wedding preparations of their only daughter and was so blessed to see the wonderful relationship between father and daughter. Sadly it was not the case with some of the bridesmaids.
Hi Rita,
Sincere thanks for your lovely comments on this article and its lovely to know that you witnessed a great relationship yourself between father and daughter.
I hope that as the bridesmaids get older they will learn to love and appreciate their father too, although of course the door swings both ways and I hope the father loves their daughters in return.
If you have any ideas how I can get stories like this published further, i would be very greatful if you can pen them down for me.
Thanks for dropping by and I hope to hear from you again soon.
Warm regards,
Mike.